The Father Wound -2 “How to identify and heal your boy’s father wound”

NOTE: In these BootCamps you are being given a fire hydrant of information. We are ‘testing’ a lot of information, but you will not necessarily use it all on your manabout trip. It is all useful, and to a large degree necessary, but the timing and application of these tools will be unique to each father/son relationship. When planning your boy’s manabout, you will choose from this ‘menu’ of options.

It is essential, however, that the 4 major C.O.R.E. phases (steps) of rite of passage be included in your manabout. They are necessary for the transition from boy to man to occur successfully and become a natural part of him as a man.

CLARIFICATION: Father wound is different from the 12-year-old misunderstandings (lies) in that the Father wound is associated with the ideas about your identity (take-a-ways) you carried into manhood (and often, are passing on to your kids in your own fathering). The Father Wound may or may not be actually a flaw that was in your dad. It can be a misunderstanding, or misinterpretation that you had based on your dad’s behaviors. A hard-working dad may be perceived by a boy as caring more about work than about the boy. The boy will walk away with a wound (idea about his identity) that “I’m not important,” or “My dad doesn’t love me,” or “My dad loves work, so if I work hard, I can earn his love.”

I read a section of John Eldredge’s book Fathered by God (pg. 7-8). This reading spoke about the pandemic today of “Unfinished Men.” “Boys, mostly, walking around in men’s bodies, with men’s jobs and families, finances, and responsibilities,” but in whom the process of masculinity was never complete. Did this reading intensify your commitment to this exercise on behalf of your boy and on behalf of helping other men? Yes/No

We talked about the importance and use of Story in bonding with your son. We talked about your personal stories. Telling him about your life at his age, your childhood homelife, your dad and mom, your school experiences, hobbies, etc. This gives him a sense of ‘context’ of being part of a ‘larger story’ or being a ‘member of something big and enduring’.

Assignments for Session #4 – Bridging the Communication Gap

Next session will focus on ways to begin and continue meaningful communication channels between yourself and your boy. This will include how to get him to listen to you as well as how to get things moving between you so that he brings you his questions, concerns, and even his sins.

Read pages 131-145 in Save the Boys! to review How to Lead your Boy’s Core Story

Read and compete pages 26-34 (do NOT do the Mega Story section on pg 34) in The Manabouts Field Guide.

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